Each one comes with its own certificate of authenticity.
Helen loved Hummels.
Ahoy there.
Yes?
I said "ahoy."
Well, "ahoy" yourself.
John Rusk, Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
Warren Schmidt, Omaha.
I hope I'm not disturbing you...
but I couldn't help noticing you got a new Adventurer.
- That's right. - 35-footer?
That's right.
What a beauty. Man, oh, man.
I'm pretty happy with it.
Permission to step aboard, Captain?
How's that?
Can I take a look inside?
Sure, help yourself.
Thank you.
Yeah, jeez.
Look at all this room.
These pop-outs really make a difference.
Yep.
You keep a mighty clean galley, mister.
I've only been on the road a week.
You're kidding. This is your maiden voyage?
Yeah.
- And you're traveling solo? - That's right.
Holy Christ, come over for dinner.
We gotta celebrate. My Vicki's one heck of a cook.
If you're free, of course.
I'll have to check my schedule.
Ahoy there.
Ahoy!
Get yourself up here.
I'm Vicki Rusk.
Warren Schmidt.
John was so excited to meet you.
Gosh, you shouldn't have.
Smells delish.
- I hope you like beef stew. - Yeah.
There he is!
How are you?
Good, good. Can I take your jacket?
Sure. Yep.
There we go.
- Is something burning? - Huh?
No, no, no. I just lit a couple of matches.
Oh.
Shall we adjourn to the living room?
- You're almost done? - Just about.
Warren brought us beer.
Thank you, Warren.
Here, have a seat.
All right.
Right there. Take that one there.
Ok.
So...
What do you do back in Eau Claire?
My brother and I have a little shoe store.
It's a Famous Footwear.
And, well, people will always need shoes.
Vicki, here, she's an occupational therapist.
So that's our day job, you might say.
How about yourself?
I was in the insurance game, but I'm retired now.
OK, boys, dinner is served.
This is a couple we met in Kansas.
Remember I was telling you about the guy with the wooden leg?
But we loved them.
We spent a whole weekend with them out in Kansas.
This is Roger and Denise and their daughters.
Denise is your oldest?
She's the middle one. They live out in Delaware.
And these little cuties are Katie and Sloan.
A girl named "Sloan."
I never heard that one before.
Neither had we.
Do you have any pictures of your daughter with you?
No. Not on me.
I don't, no.
Nothing in your wallet?
Well...
I might have one of George Washington.
Or Abraham Lincoln.
Who?
Hey, easy.
We're a little low on truth serum.
If I go get another six-pack, will you guys be OK?
- Yes! - Oh, yeah.
Abraham Lincoln.
Back in a flash.
- Not bad, huh? - I like that.
"Who?"
Here's the little cart we got them for Christmas.
- Is that cute? - That's darling.
Those adorable little dresses.
And these are their christening dresses.
That's quite a family you got there.
You and John are very lucky.
I know. We really are.
Yep.
Warren...
would you mind if I made an observation?
Sure.
Well...
you put a pretty good face on things...
considering everything you've been through lately.
I know I've just met you...
but I have good instincts about people...
and the feeling that I get from you...
is that despite your good attitude...
and your positive outlook...
I think inside you're a sad man.
Well...
it does take quite an adjustment when you lose a spouse.
It's something more than that.
I see something more than grief and loss in you...
something deeper.
Like what?
I just met you, but...
my guess is anger.
Anger and, I don't know, maybe fear...
loneliness...
Well...
I am kind of lonely.
See, there, I knew it.
Can I tell you something?
I'm listening.
I've only known you for an hour or so...
and yet...
I feel like you understand me...
better than my wife Helen ever did...
even after 42 years of marriage.
Forty-two years.
Maybe if I'd met someone like you earlier...
Oh, you sad man.
You sad, sad man.
You sad man.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Oh. - Mm-hmm.
Get off me! Are you insane?
God, what is wrong with you?
I don't know what kind of ideas you got...
but you better go right now!
- I'm sorry. - No, no! Go!
- I'm sorry. - I don't care about sorry!
- I didn't mean to... - Go!
Can I have my jacket?
Christ!
Go!
Ray? It's Warren.
I know we separated on a bit of a sour note...
but I just thought I should call and tell you...
that I've been doing some thinking...
and some soul-searching...
and, well...
I just wanted to tell you that I'm willing...
to talk about this because of all the things...
If you are satisfied with your message, press one.
To listen to your message, press two.
To erase and re-record, press three.
To continue recording where you...
Message erased.
At the tone, please re-record your message.
At the end of your message, press one.
Helen?
What did you really think of me?
Deep in your heart.
Was I really the man you wanted to be with?
Was I?
Or were you disappointed and too nice to show it?
I forgive you for Ray.
I forgive you.
That was a long time ago...
and I know I wasn't always the king of kings.
I let you down.
I'm sorry, Helen.
Can you forgive me?
And so, Ndugu...
I must say it's been a very rewarding trip.
And this morning...
I awoke from my night in the wilderness...
completely transformed.
I'm like a new man.
For the first time in years, I feel clear.
I know what I want...
I know what I've got to do...
and nothing's going to stop me ever again.
Meanwhile, along with the usual check...
I'm enclosing a little something extra...
to spend as you please.
Yours very truly, Warren Schmidt.
Warren, how grand to see you again.
I hope I'm not intruding.
Not at all. I was happy to get your call...
and learn that you were finally in town.
I'll bet that trip did you a lot of good...
after all you've been through.
I sent you a card. Did you get it?
Oh, yes. Lovely card. Thank you.
But I want to say it to you in person.
I am so sorry about Helen.
I only met her that once...
but we talked often on the phone after the engagement.
She was a fine, fine woman.
A fine, fine human being.
Thank you.
What can I get you to drink?
I'll bet you could use a cocktail.
No, I'm fine. I'll wait till the kids get here.
I am having a Manhattan.
What the heck? Make it two.
OK.
That's better.
This last week has been so stressful.
The only way that Helen is lucky...
and I do mean the only way... is that she didn't have to...
go through this week with Jeannie and me.
The florist, the dress...
the relatives, the travel arrangements...
the motels, the bridesmaids...
the groomsmen, the gowns.
And do you realize how many people...
still have not RSVP'd?
Warren, it simply does not stop.
By the way...
we do still need that check for the church.
Did Jeannie mention it to you?
Because we've needed it for some time now...
and actually, it's been a bit of a problem.
Roberta.
Roberta?
What?
I can't make this goddamn thing work.
Somebody really screwed it up.
Would you excuse me?
What is your fucking problem?
Don't you see I have enough to deal with?
That's why I offered to come over and help.
I am trying to help.
This is no help. Look at it.
What do you expect me to do now?
I will fix it. Tell me how you want it.
I'm not a mind reader.
Forget it. I'll do it myself.
Like I have to do everything else around here.
- Just get out. - I'm not a mind reader!
Do you understand English? Get out!
I'm sorry.
You met Larry last time.
Just briefly, yeah.
He's like a little boy.
Ever since our divorce, he thinks the only way...
he can get my attention is by causing a fuss.
I understand it, I do.
I feel sorry for him.
My first husband was exactly the same way.
He turned out to be a real asshole.
Now, Randall, he knows how to treat a woman.
Honestly, don't you think he's something special?
Well...
I know Jeannie seems to be very taken with him.
That always helps, doesn't it?
When I had my hysterectomy...
that boy did not leave my side for one minute.
Not one minute.
People used to raise their eyebrows...
because I breast-fed him until he was almost five...
and I say, well, just look at the results.
I raised a sensitive, devoted boy...
who has turned into a sensitive, devoted man.
And he's also quite easy on the eye...
if I do say so myself.
Don't you agree?
Look who's here.
Dad. How's it hanging?
Fine. Fine.
You're finally here. I'm stoked.
- Hi, Dad. - Hi, sweetheart.
God, how was your trip? I was a little worried.
Just great, yeah.
But I did run into a lot of traffic...
getting into town this afternoon.
Ended up veering off the 25 onto 70.
That wasn't any better.
I guess it must've been construction or an accident.
That's Denver for you.
You won't catch me driving on the interstate.
Next time, get off 25 at Speer and take a left.
That turns into First, which leads you directly to Gaylord.
That's good to know.
Randall, bring that into the kitchen.
Jeannie, I need to talk to you about something.
Sure, Dad.
Can it wait?
It's very important.
I need some time alone with you.
Definitely. Maybe after dinner.
Say, Randall...
how'd that investment situation work out for you?
You never called me.
Don't bring that up.
You mean that pyramid scheme?
No, it wasn't.
All I know is I lost 800 bucks.
If you'd stuck with it a little longer...
you'd have seen results.
You bailed out too soon.
Can we change the subject?
You didn't find enough quality reps of your own...
and you screwed the whole thing up for me.
You didn't take the time...
to understand how the power system works.
Principle, ownership, wealth...
As father of the groom, I'd like to welcome our guest.
Larry, we know who you are...
and you'll have plenty of chances...
to make toasts tomorrow and the next day...
Will you let me finish, please?
Can't we just enjoy our food?
OK, enjoy your food...
but I have something I want to say.
I wanted to acknowledge that we're gathered together...
around this table as a family for the very first time.
And on behalf of Saundra and myself...
I wanted to welcome Warren...
who has journeyed a very long way...
to be with us here tonight.
And, Warren...
we really, really love Jeannie very, very much.
I also want to say how proud I am...
Larry, you're embarrassing yourself.
You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing Saundra.
- No, he's not. - Saundra, please.
Anyway, I'm done.
You're interrupting me, and I'm already done.
Why do you have to spoil a perfectly enjoyable evening?
Why do you always do this?
Why do you have to be so negative?
I'm not negative.
You're just trying to grab all the attention.
"I'm not negative." That's not negative?
All I was doing was welcoming somebody into the family.
Larry, we've been welcomed by you.
Thank you so much.
Now drink your fucking milk and shut the fuck up.
- Get some rest. - OK, you, too.
- See you. - See you tomorrow.
- Warren. - Larry.
Get a good night's sleep.
Saundra, nice to meet you.
- Very nice to meet you. - Thank you.
Good night.
Jeannie? I still want to talk to you.
Yeah, right.
Well, can it wait?
Because we got a really big day tomorrow.
No, it can't.
Take your time. I'll get the car started.
Good night, War.
Good night.
What's up?
You're making a big mistake. Don't marry this guy.
Don't do it.
What are you talking about?
The other night...
I had a dream, and it was very real.
Your mother was there, and you were there...
and your Aunt Estelle.
And there was a... It wasn't really a spaceship...
it was more like a blimp or an orb.
And then a bunch of weird creatures came out...
and tried to take you away, and you know what?
They all looked like Randall. Do you understand?
I was jumping up trying to save you.
Dad, it's OK.
You're just wigging out a little...
and Mom is not here to calm you down.
No. This isn't like that.
I am begging you. Don't marry Randall.
This guy is not up to snuff.
He's not in your league.
I can't let this happen.
I will not allow it.
Look at these people!
Suddenly, you're taking an interest in what I do?
You have an opinion about my life now?
You listen to me.
I am getting married the day after tomorrow...
and you are coming to my wedding.
You will sit there and enjoy it and support me...
or you can turn around right now and go back to Omaha.
You come right back here!
I'm talking to you, young lady!
Oh!
Good morning, Mr. Sleepy head...
Warren, what is the matter?
I'm fine. I'm just a little stiff.
My neck. I'm OK.
Did you fall out of bed?
- Let me help you. - No, no, no.
I think I'm better off on a hard surface.
I don't know. It seems pretty weird...
for this to be happening today of all days.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I'm sure I'll rally in a couple of hours.
The Advil's kicking in pretty good.
We've been really stressed out the last two weeks.
While you were out on your little trip...
we've been barely holding this thing together...
and so for you to just crap out on us...
I think it's the bed.
No way.
That's an Aquarest Z9000. It's top of the line.
It's definitely not the bed.
I don't know. I think I need something firmer.
All right, fine. Let's just deal with this.
Dad, where's that receipt that I gave you?
Receipt?
For the programs at the printers you were picking up?
- It's over there. - Where?
On the chair in my jacket pocket.
Fine. Randall, you have to pick them up.
I don't think so. I gotta get Brian and Dave at the airport...
Do you think that I can do it? I can't do everything.
I cannot do everything!
I know.
- Jeannie... - Get off of me!
Well...
I'll do it.
Thanks for everything, Dad!
- Jeannie... - Fuck you!
By golly.
Anybody hungry?
I could eat a horse.
How about some chicken noodle soup?
Wonderful.
Anything for me in the bedpan?
Yes.
Jeannie told us about your little panic attack last night.
And I don't blame you.
It's a perfectly natural reaction.
In the beginning, I had my own reservations.
As the veteran of two failed marriages...
I have learned a lot about what works...
and does not work between two people...
and I can tell you these kids are in very good shape.
They have a very healthy relationship...
spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
And, well...
you know how famously they get along as friends...
but did you know that their sex life...
is positively white hot?
The main reason my marriages failed was sexual.
I am an extremely sexual person.
I can't help it. That's just how I'm wired.
Even when I was a little girl.
I had my first orgasm when I was six in ballet class.
Anyway, the point is that I have always been...
very easily aroused and very orgasmic.
Jeannie and I have a lot in common that way.
Clifford and Larry were nice guys...
but they just could not keep up with me.
Anyway...
I don't want to betray Jeannie's confidence...
but let me assure you that whatever problems...
those two kids may run into along the way...
they will always be able to count on...
what happens between the sheets to keep them together.
More soup?
No. I think I'm fine now.
How we doing?
Just dandy.
Couple more Advil ought to do it.
You look like you need something stronger.
Give me a second.
OK.
I have these left over from my hysterectomy.
They've expired, but I think it's OK.
What is it?
Percodan. I guarantee you, within half an hour...
you'll be on cloud nine.
Okey-smokes. So, following the procession...
I'll have the bride and groom accompany me.
I'd like the best man and the maiden of honor...
to follow closely, all right?
But don't forget to leave the bride and groom space.
They need room to maneuver in here.
And the father of the bride, Mr. Schmidt...
will have a seat in the front row right there.
All right?
Mr. Schmidt?
Want to take your seat in the front row, please?
If I could be permitted a personal note...
I learned about love from my parents.
Two extraordinary people who were married 62 years.
And they're right here in this room tonight.
I can feel...
Hello, Mom. Hi, Pop.
I miss you, and I love you.
And I know every time I look at Randall and Jeannie...
I think, Randall's hands and mine are a lot alike...
and Jeannie's hands are...
You seem to have come around pretty good, Warren.
That stuff you gave me... Wow.
You gotta write the name of that down for me.
It really does the trick.
I know what'll really get you out of the woods.
As soon as we get home, I'll fire up the hot tub...
and you're gonna take a long soak before bed.
You'll sleep like a baby.
Tomorrow, you'll be good as new.
How does it feel?
This is incredible.
I had no idea.
It's... it's indescribable.
Didn't I tell you?
Mind if I join you?
Oh.
That's better.
What a night.
I was very moved.
I've been so stressed these last few weeks...
that I lost sight of the fact...
that my little boy is getting married.
So's your little girl.
You think about it from the day they're born...
and now it's here.
It's a miracle.
Just think, after tomorrow, we'll all be one big family.
And I insist that you consider this your second home.
I'll set a place for you at the table...
for Thanksgiving and for Christmas.
We don't give traditional gifts at Christmas.
We make them. We're a very creative family.
It can be a painting or a poem or a song.
Whatever inspires you.
And it goes without saying...
you'll come to our timeshare in Breckenridge.
Just you and me while the kids are out on the slopes.
Here we are, a divorcee and a widower.
Sounds like a perfect match to me.
What's the matter?
I have to go to bed now.
Just like that? We were having such a nice talk.
I'm all tuckered out.
Thank you, Roberta. Good night.
Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than
There've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you
Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I'll be in love with you
Let us pray.
Dear Heavenly Father...
our hearts are filled with great happiness...
for the union of Randall and Jeannie...
"Love is patient. Love is kind.
"Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
"It does not insist on its own way."
And I shall love you every day of my life.
And when I say every day, I mean every day.
And when I say day, I mean all 24 hours...
all 1,440 minutes...
all 86,400 seconds.
Well, a man shall leave his mother
And a woman leave her home
They shall travel far...
Do you, Randall Mead Hertzel...
take Jean Boardwine Schmidt as your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
And do you, Jean Boardwine Schmidt...
take Randall Mead Hertzel to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Yeah.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
I could tell there was something different in his voice...
and, remember, Randy, you called me up?
And he says, "Dennis, I met this girl last night...
"and this might sound a little weird coming from me..."
"But this is one chick...
"I might actually want to see again."
And then he told me a bunch of other stuff...
which I'm not at liberty to go into right now.
But what was in his voice two years ago...
was confirmed here today.
I mean...
You guys are a great couple.
You know, and...
you both really helped me through that thing...
a couple of months ago, and I'll never forget it.
I love you guys.
Randall and Jeannie forever!
Hoist 'em! Let's go!
They want a little smooch.
Give us a little smooch here!
Come on! A little smooch!
Come on! These people paid good money!
There's children here.
Now I'd like to turn things over to the...
Do you want us all to leave?
I'd like to turn things over...
to the proud father of the bride...
Mr. Warren Schmidt.
I didn't get much sleep last night...
so forgive me if I'm a little foggy.
But you know...
today is a special day.
We're here to mark a crossroads in the lives of two people.
A crossroads where they come together...
and now walk along a new road.
It's not the same road that they were on before.
It's a new road.
A road that...
As many of you know, I lost my wife recently.
And Jeannie lost her mother.
Helen and I were married 42 years.
She died very suddenly.
I know we all wish she could be with us today...
and I think it would be appropriate...
to acknowledge just how pleased she was...
that Jeannie had found someone to share her life with.
A companion.
A partner.
I recall the day when Jeannie first told us...
she had been proposed to.
We hadn't yet met this Randall fellow...
so we were understandably a little suspicious.
Later, she brought him home for Christmas...
so we could get a look at him.
I remember there was a big snowstorm...
and Randall here helped me shovel off the front walk.
He pitched right in.
But that brings me to what I really want to say.
What I want to say...
What I really want to say is...
Thank you, to you, Randall...
for taking such good care of my daughter...
especially recently with our loss.
Ever since I arrived here a couple of days ago...
I have so enjoyed getting to know Jeannie's new family.
Roberta, thank you for your generosity...
for opening your home.
Your talent in the kitchen is...
Larry, your wonderful eloquence.
Saundra, your skill with handicrafts is truly remarkable.
That item you showed me was so very artistic.
Duncan, I haven't gotten to know you very well...
but I could tell from our brief conversations...
that you are a very thoughtful young man.
Everybody else...
terrific people.
Terrific.
And in conclusion...
I just want to say on this special day...
this very special day...
that I am very...
pleased.
Hear! Hear!
Dear Ndugu...
you'll be glad to know...
that Jeannie's wedding came off without a hitch.
She and Randall are on their way to sunny Orlando...
on my nickel, of course.
As for me, I'm headed back to Omaha.
I'm driving straight through this time...
and I've made only one stop...
the impressive new arch over the interstate...
at Carney, Nebraska...
an arch that commemorates...
the courage and determination of the pioneers...
who crossed the state on their way west.
You've really got to see it to believe it...
and it kind of got me thinking.
Looking at all that history...
and reflecting on the achievements...
of people long ago put things into perspective.
My trip to Denver is so insignificant...
compared to the journeys that others have taken...
the bravery that they've shown...
the hardships they've endured.
I know we're all pretty small in the big scheme of things...
and I suppose the most you can hope for...
is to make some kind of difference.
But what kind of difference have I made?
What in the world is better because of me?
When I was out in Denver...
I tried to do the right thing...
tried to convince Jeannie she was making a big mistake...
but I failed.
Now she's married to that nincompoop...
and there's nothing I can do about it.
I am weak...
and I am a failure.
There's just no getting around it.
Relatively soon, I will die.
Maybe in twenty years, maybe tomorrow.
It doesn't matter.
Once I am dead, and everyone who knew me dies, too...
it will be as though I never even existed.
What difference has my life made to anyone?
None that I can think of.
None at all.
Hope things are fine with you.
Yours truly, Warren Schmidt.
"Dear Mr. Warren Schmidt...
"my name is Sister Nadine Gautier...
"of the Order of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart.
"I work in a small village near Mbeya in Tanzania.
"One of the children I care for...
"is little Ndugu Umbu, the boy you sponsor.
"Ndugu is a very intelligent boy and very loving.
"He is an orphan.
"Recently, he needed medical attention...
"for an infection of the eye, but he's better now.
"He loves to eat melon and he loves to paint.
"Ndugu and I want you to know...
"that he receives all of your letters.
"He hopes that you are happy in your life and healthy.
"He thinks of you every day...
"and he wants very much your happiness.
"Ndugu is only six years old and cannot read or write...
"but he has made for you a painting."
"He hopes that you will like his painting.
"Yours sincerely, Sister Nadine Gautier."